Infidelity is a painful way to break a marriage. Marriage vows promised trust and love. Infidelity breaks those vows and causes hurt and pain.

To find some of the sources of that pain, here is a case study of Sue A. And Joe R. As they work through Joe’s infidelity.

They knew each other before ever starting school together. Their mothers were best friends. Joe was a year older and they began dating when Sue was a high school junior. College was not a difficult choice for Sue, she followed Joe and during her sophomore year, he proposed. They are parents of three children.

There were some money problems as the children grew up and Joe said he could work late to help bring more money home. The money problems did not seem to improve even though Joe was rarely home. When Sue brought this up, Joe became very angry and left the house. He did not answer phone calls for several days.

After a time to cool off, Joe calls Sue and apologizes. During the call, he also admits that the reason there is no extra money is that he has been involved with someone else. He suggests that he and Sue should find a counselor and try to reconcile.

The heartbreak for Sue is great and forgiveness seems far off. Her husband she has known since she was three has been her betrayer. This was something of which she would have never dreamed. He knew more about her than she felt she knew herself. The hurt was immeasurable.

We all love stories to end happily, however this one may end that way. These deep hurts do not go away overnight. Divorce often follows such mistrust.

Any time in the future, that Joe is late for dinner; those old feelings begin to surface once again. Has he found someone else? Whenever he becomes annoyed at the situation, Joe may be tempted to escape to another place without all the pressures of home.

Family and friends become aware of the circumstances. They may no longer come around as often and the family support system is broken. It is difficult to find anyone in whom to confide.

If divorce follows, children will also feel the pain. The relocation of part of the family across state lines makes parental visitation more difficult and it sometimes even stops. Children sense the tension and also feel the pain. They miss the absent parent. Contact is broken and parents also are pained.

The pain continues. Even if Sue finds someone else with whom to spend the rest of her life, Joe’s infidelity can continue to haunt the new relationship. She may fear sharing feelings since her trust was broken earlier.

Joe finds that his income, which was already being stretched thin, is now being split between his new household and that of his former family. He is paying an expensive price for his marital infidelity. He also finds that he has difficulty with trust. It is not that he cannot trust others. Joe has difficulty trusting himself.

If you are considering infidelity, please consider surviving infidelity and the pain that it may cause from cheating.

Tags: affairs, Best Friends, Betrayer, Case Study, cheating, Circumstances, Counselor, Couples, Divorce, Extra Money, Family And Friends, Forgiveness, Heartbreak, infidelity, Love Stories, marital infidelity, Marriage, marriage infidelity, Mistrust, Money Problems, Old Feelings, Phone Calls, relationship infidelity, Shame, Sophomore Year, surviving infidelity

This entry was posted on Saturday, August 1st, 2009 at 12:16 pm and is filed under Relationships, Save Marriage. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.